Tuesday, March 27, 2007
#35: GRAD BLUES
"Only as high as I reach can I grow,
Only as far as I seek can I go,
Only as deep as I look can I see,
Only as much as I dream can I be."
The clock's taunting me again. Its second hand swings effortlessly with the minute's walk and the hour's limp. Like what I always do these past few days during my vacant time(and i'm sure you all do too), I kept reminiscing the past four years with my has-been-innocent, not-so-young-now mindframe. Try as I might, I can't accept the fact that the attendant's gonna stop this one hell of a roller coaster ride so soon. It's tomorrow, dammit. It's tomorrow.
We've been practicing for quite some time now on our graduation. We're like a chorale, what with all the songs having four voices: soprano, alto, tenor and bass. Mrs. Carlos has been proud of our batch being fast learners. We also trained for the rites; how to clap, how to sit, to stand, how to march, and how to tell your seatmate to shut up when he's noisy. In some parts it got a little boring. I haven't got the chance to relish the free time and class bonding either. It's either taking care of the yearbook and newspaper(which, FYI, is still unfinished), or doing some requirements for our clearance. *Sigh* But all's well that ends well. I forecast a kickass graduation rites tomorrow-no, later- and a tear-strained multitude in Thanks To You.
We've had our recollection this week. I can say that it is altogether a different experience, what with all the commotion that happened. I learned things about myself I never knew before. Then Father Something played Through The Years; the whole batch practically broke down. Gawd, imagine a sea of students crying their hearts out. I thought i'm gonna shed my tears after some time too( luckily I didn't. Ha!).
We didn't get to experience the baccalaureate(pardon the misspelling) because we were needed in another school for some awarding in Journalism. Summary: That old man bitching his sorry life away, Palanca bitching Luningning-y crap again, and Ekel bitching around MonSay. Well that's news.
***
It's tomorrow, dammit. It's tomorrow.
I've done it all. I've studied at night, been crazy, played sports, sang songs, made friends (and enemies), performed with pride, performed with shame, cried tears, flashed smiles, gave hugs, exchanged blows and kicks, gave gifts, won awards, lost some, attended seminars, sucked up to teachers, hated them too, cheated(come on!), overslept, came in tardy, bonded with friends, went places, open-forummed, bitched around, passed, flunked, everything. But in the four years I've been on the MaScian bandwagon i'm still in a daze. Then suddenly everything became clear: i'm leaving for good. I feel like Nate O'Riley after a damn hangover. The reality just punches you full on the face.
Up to now, the acceptance meter looks something like LOADING [[[[[[[[[[[[[______50%. A part of me's already jumping about, all packed and ready to go. But another's still hanging on that flagpole. I just need more time. Especially since my dedication book's not yet full. Lol.
If I had any regrets, that would be the fact that I didn't focus on my studies. My insecurities got the better of me, and got sidetracked. As a result, I've no gold, or at least silver, medal to show my parents. I feel like the ultimate loser. And my parents rubbing it in doesn't make it any better. But then again, after reading this article one of my favorite bloggers made, I realized how much I should be thankful for. How much? Just look at the stars in the night sky. That much. Ack, I just realized what a thankless job God has. Well, for one, I still got Outstanding in the Star Awards. I'll get another medal tomorrow. And a cash prize. I've won awards more than any average student could ever garner. I've enhanced my talents and grew in the field of my expertise. And being a graduate of a prestigious school like MaSci is in its own a very welcome blessing. I feel better just thinking about it. My parents would just have to bear it, I guess.
The future looks bright for me. There's no time to dwell in the past for today. Just a few hours from now i'll be a changed man. I'll be a graduate. And then soon i'll get on a course that I love. And i'll really try this time to make my dreams happen. But if something does not go my way still, what the heck, that's God's plan for me in his grand design. So no worries. ^__^
***
P.S. If I got someone to thank in this article, it would be Nika Calilung. One of her articles inspired me to write this one. Love u fat arms!
it got me home
10:00 PM
