# 49: ONCE UPON A TIME

Let’s take a breather from my hilarious and bitchy posts for a while, shall we? It’s a time, I believe, of utmost concentration and reflection. Nah just joking. But really, it’s a grim day. We've received news that my father would go back overseas soon. I dunno if it's a good thing or not though. Good news is, he'll gonna have his job back so he wouldn't be the cranky, naggy person that he is right now, I think a by-product of lack of physical work. And thank God I won’t be forced to watch Wowowee and Jumong anymore! I can say I’ve been traumatized with that horrible experience. The downside, though, is that the family will be incomplete once more. Aw. And he'll go on my birthday. Nice present dad. Haha.

To suit the drama of the situation I reflected upon a Nigerian poem that I had ran upon on one of my readings (naks!). Now my dad, as with other grown-ups, always voices out his concern about the “kabataan ngayon”, as what he calls us of this generation, of our wrongdoings, of being gullible and unconcerned, of arriving late at home and not being respectful enough, and other things like that, whenever he gets the chance. Now this poem is also about a father talking to his son about youth and age, but what struck me the most is that it was compared in a completely different angle. As of the poem being written in a foreign tongue I made the effort of translating it (as if) in my native language... English. I hope it would touch you as it did me.


Once upon a time, Son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes;
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.

There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts;
but that's gone, Son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.

So I have learned many things, Son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses: homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface, cocktailface,
with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.

And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.

I have also learned to say "Goodbye"
when I mean "Good riddance";
to say "Glad to meet you"
without being glad; and to say
"It's been nice talking to you" after
being bored.

But believe me, Son,
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you.
I want to unlearn these muted things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake's
bare fangs!

Show me, Son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.

it got me home
2:51 AM

Because of my outright popularity and fame, I was once again invited to a debut of one of my former school/class mate...*drumroll*... Bea! Oh, sorry fellas, it's Marnelli now. MaScians are suddenly changing their names for the benefit of the new collegial environment they'll put themselves into this June. I am seriously considering for my new classmates to call me Ronald. Or Cutie. But enough about me.

Well, as one of the performers in the said debut, I have to go to Thea's house to practice our songs. I asked Pop to wake me up at 5:00 am. So naturally he woke me up at 7. I'm in a fricken hurry then. The trip took two-and-a-half hours because I got lost again. So after arrival, I thought that we'd start rehearsing immediately. What we immediately did was eat and fool around. So naturally we didn't practice. After that we went to the mortician parlorist for the girls' hair and make-up. And the most surprising thing happened: Judy Ann Santos is inside the parlor! OMG! I was fidgeting for my pen for an autograph, when I looked closer and realized that it's just Chrissy and her new 'do. How dare Juday copy Chrissy! Hahaha. Thea needs suggestions on her new look, so naturally we thought of the most horrible hairdo that we can find.

Fast forward to the venue. I was thrilled to see my old schoolmates again. After some last= minute practice the show began. Bea looked like a thin Mandisa from American Idol. If you don't know her click HERE to give you an idea. In my song number I told her that I found a sexy song for a sexy girl like her and to be sung by a sexy guy like me. Then there's the food. And there's beer in the house! Bea's mother urged us to drink. "Ayan may punch jan mas matapang ung halong beer kuha lang kayo!" Ah, the irony. After that I don't remember anything anymore, because I'm drunk. In a matter of speaking. Whutever.

All in all the event's a success. Granted that the venue's small and the attendance is few, it maintained a rather intimate and cheerful atmosphere. There's not much adults, so our actions are uninhibited. Hell, I even had a chance to drink myself crazy. Or so they say.

Ah, I hate this post.

it got me home
12:31 AM

The update bug has finally gotten into me. Barely. Haha. Summer bummer. And my parents JUST realized after a long deliberation over breakfast that Journalism IS really my call, so they told me to drop Physics and follow my heart. Yeah, right. had the decision been a month younger I would've willingly done so. But to change my course at this moment, now that i'm enrolled and all? I say too late, too late.

I'm gonna talk about Thea's debut. After weeks of preparation and thousands of pesos worth of expenditures and transport fares, the occasion has finally come to place. With Klitty, LeYa, Jox and Jorge we ventured into the Philippine Army Officer's Club Clubhouse in Taguig (mentioned in my previous post). It started way beyond time, since they have to wait for me to arrive, and I am always fashionably late, so needless to say my arrival is the cue to get the party started. And I am a vegetarian.

Having been drunk with water and coke *hic* after many toasts I have quite a hazy recollection of the things that happened *hic*. Here's what I remembered tho:

> There's this entrance thing where we were standing and clapping and humping around and everything is orange.

> The coordinator is a dud.

> The cotillion is not as bad as I expected it to be. Thank god KJ is such a good dancer, we copied moves from him.

> The food's nice.

"Hindi masarap 'tong cordon bleu"
" ...cordon bleu?"
"Oo. Eto o."
"Aaah. Kaya pala hindi masarap na cordon bleu. Fish fillet yan e."

> Many people are absent. You can see tables without people on them. Or in them. Whatever.

> We had this game, Trip to Jerusalem, where the number of contestants is equal to the number of seats. Go figure out how a person can win in THAT.

> I recalled having sung and done something, but it's so embarassing my mind blocked it out from memory.

> Her birthday cake revealed to me that her name is Phea. Funny, all these years I call her Thea.

> If u can give me wis to flaa/ and cash me if I foo/ I pu the stas down from the skaa/ so I could wish on them oo/ and I couldn't ask fo moo/ coz your love is the greatest gif of oo.// Gad i'm so mean.

Happy birthday!!!^__^

We breathed a collective sigh of relief after the debut. Those practice days finally paid off. All in all, it was a great experience, especially on the debutante's part. It's every girl's dream come true. Well not everyone, since my lil sis Rigel is opting for a rock concert. (Should I be worried?) Going back, I need not mention the staggering amount of money and time that hed gone into this event. My sister had only a Hawaiian swimming party. So what, it's still fun. Debuts are for the rich and the determined. So I warned my lil sis that if she wanted a debut for her 18th birthday I swear i'm gonna make sure she won't live to reach the age. And yeah I said I love her still afterwards for good measure.

it got me home
11:18 PM

Oh yeah, politics season. Not on the voting age yet. It's been a busy week for my mom who's an advocate of one of the candidates for mayor. And after all the effort, they lost. Too bad. And I was rooting for Pichay too, in an avid and rabid manner. I was like, "You're almost there man! GO FOR IT!" And yes, he followed my advice and gone for...fifteenth place. How about my dreams then, Pichay? How about MY DREAMS?!!!! I almost feel bad about his advertising expenditures. Well that's politics. Anyway, here's some hilarious political jokes I've found all over the net:

Kung nag-Gay language lang sana sina GMA and Garci, eh di sana walang gulo ngayon...
GMA: Hallooo Gracia!
Garci: Yes mother! Nachukchak ko na po yung mga chuva ek-ek!
GMA: Bonggacious! Eh yung mga tienes-tienes, carry na ba?
Garci: Winnie santos mama! Wiz na worry! Eclavou na ever!
GMA: Ang tarush! Babush!

Erap: Pre, ang bilis ko natapos buuin yung puzzle!
Juan: Talaga pare? Gaano kabilis?
Erap: 5 months!
Juan: Ang tagal naman!
Erap Tanga! Anong matagal?! Nakalagay nga dito "For 3 years and up!"

Erap: Lintik na ibon yon...Iniputan ako!
Guard: Sir, sandali lang po kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan yung pwet non eh nakalipad na! Tanga ka talaga!

FVR: Erap, may gift ako sayo from India.... 10 feet na snake...
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo ba ako!? Di ako ganon katanga...wala namang feet ang snake noh! Gagong toh!

Erap calling emergency hotline:Please send help asap! My daughter is giving birth and turning blue.....
Operator: Calm down sir! Is this her first baby?
Erap: Gago! This is her father!

Erap: Tamad! Di ba sabi ko sayo diligan mo ang mga halaman!
Hardinero: Sir, umuulan naman po kasi eh!
Erap: Magpapalusot ka pa! Tanga!.....Eh di magkapote ka!

Erap: Doc, I accidentally swalloed a chicken bone!
Doctor: Is it choking?
Erap: No doc. It's Max's!
Doctor: I didn't mean chowking. I said, are you choking?
Erap: No doc, I'm serious!

GMA: I'm planning to stop poverty and mass starvation.
Erap: Alam mo Gloria..yung poverty madaling pigilin... pero ang Masturbation...Aba eh magisip-isip ka muna...human rights violation yan! (eeew!)

Erap: Lintik na shampoo to ayaw bumula
Maid: Sir eh hindi pa po basa buhok niyo
Erap : eh for Dry Hair nga eh.

Naliligo si Erap ng biglang lumindol... Taranta siyang lumabas na hubo't hubad......
Guard: Sir, may nakalimutan po ata kayong suotin....
Erap: Ay shet! ang Wristband ko!.. Oh No!

it got me home
7:25 PM

Have you ever been lost in a strange place, with no map, no directional bearing, and no companion whatsoever? I have. Last May 4, 2007, the Manila Metropolis stood back as an extraordinarily handsome boy got lost in their overpopulated midst. Yeah, that's me. You jealous? >:-D

Okay, that intro pwned! The image too. Lol. I can't find any decent pictures answering the search engine word 'Lost' in Yahoo, and obviously I don't have a camera with me that day to commemorate my undeniably adventurous yet superstupidly executed rendezvous, so I just put the TV show 'Lost' (I do not watch this) wallpaper as my header image. And that's it.

My starting point is DOST. I went there because of some stuff I do not care about. I hate DOST! Anyway, I asked the guard how to get to Gate 3, Fort Bonifacio (somewhere in Taguig, w/c is my destination) and I was delighted to find that the guard knows how to go there. Looking back, I wish I hadn't listened to that bloke's ministrations, seeing that what happened after was all his fault. But ignorant me obligingly rode the bus he pointed to me.

5 mins into the voyage...
"Saan ka?"
"Ma, Gate 3 lang po"
"Gate 3? Aaah. 30 php"
"Huwaaat? Okay."

15 mins into the journey...
"Baket kaya angmahal ng pamasahe? Alam ko kinse lang yun e.. Hmmm..."

30 mins...
"Hala? Parang mali ata yung route na to ah...

1 hour
"DIYOS KOOOO! Bat me mga bundok na dito?!

1hr, 30 mins
" Ahh... Saturn... whatever..."

Okay, it’s a joke fellas! In case you haven’t noticed. But in that time frame I arrived in Gate 3. Yes. Gate 3. But not Gate 3, Fort Bonifacio in Taguig, but Gate 3 Camp Crame in Quezon. Haha. Now if you know the distance and the difference of these two places I’m sure you wouldn’t laugh. It’s horrible. Now I remember what went wrong! Backtrack with my interview with the guard back in DOST…

“Mama, alam nio po ba kung panu pumunta sa Gate 3, Fort Bonifacio?”
“Anong Gate Three…?”
“Sa Philippine Army Officer’s Club po.”
“Aaaah… Army. Doon!”

So ayun. Napadpad ako sa Gate 3 ng Armed Forces of the Philippines, Quezon. Thanks Manong guard!*sarcasm*

I need not tell how horribly the realization sunk in: I’m lost. Lost in this Metropolis. Yes, a Metropolis is a group of blah blah… aaaa di maka-relate! Hehe. Basta I’m lost. Tapos pumasok pa ko dun sa AFP, tapos naglakad ng 1 hour. 1 hour bago ko nalaman na I’m officially missing…me.

Ayoko nang I-recount kung anu nangyari. It’s horrible. To sum it all up, sa dami ng bus na sinakyan ko, kung kinolekta ko ung mga tickets, makakagawa na ko ng collage. At kung me pinagsisisihan ako, eto ay ang mere fact na nag-black t0shirt ako. Dyahe ang inet. At naturally, na-late ako sa cotillion miting.

At oo, alam kong English ung first part, at Taglish ung last. Naaantok na ko, sorry. Haha.

Teletubbies!

it got me home
6:37 AM

it got me home
2:10 AM

They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things you do

Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip up your heads,
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

Ohhh yeah!

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

All together now!

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

it got me home
3:00 PM

As I matured

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of the kids did it

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

it got me home
8:30 PM

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